The Wilderness Experience

The past eight years have been very difficult for me. As a writer, I have found that it is often therapeutic to journal and write during times of great difficulty and dire circumstances. Yesterday, I found am excerpt form one of my journals from last year, and so I am combining it with an entry from yesterday to form today's post.

The wasteland, otherwise known as the wilderness, is a dark, scary depressing place to be. I know, because I speak from experience; I have spent eight long years there, so here is my story of my wilderness experience.

Being in the wasteland or wilderness, is challenging to say the least. The ground is dry, parched, desolate. There is no greenery in sight, no flowers, no color, no water to quench your thirst. It is dreary and depressing; a land of despair with seemingly no way out. It is unbearably hot & humid, the air is stagnant. When one is forced to live for a season in the wilderness, life as we know it has disappeared; dried up completely as the vast dusty landscape around us. While there, we continually walk in circles; getting nowhere. They say that insanity is doing the same thing over again and again, expecting a different result. This applies to our experience in the wilderness as well.

The wolves nip constantly at our heels, enticing us to just give up and quit; just lie down and die. In the shadows of our minds, we vaguely remember the abundance of rain; the taste of cool, fresh water upon our lips. But there is none to be had. Our lips, our hearts, our minds are parched and dried up. We turn our faces upward, tears streaming down our faces. Our soul remember, and long for peace, hope, faith and joy; we long for rest from this seemingly hellish place. Our soul longs for hope, for an end to this nightmare, this draught that is consuming us emotionally, mentally, physically & spiritually as well. We desire freshness, and newness; creativity, flowing freely from our hearts. We feel withered, dried up, used up, drained, and spent of anything wonderful. We become as dry as a twig; ready to snap at a moment's notice.

A sense of overwhelming hopelessness invades our very soul, and we are crushed by the extreme feeling of being alone and abandoned in this desolate place. We become fatigued, irritable; discontent, pain, fear & despair become our constant companions. It is such a lonely place of brokenness and absolute misery. While in the wilderness, our problems seem to magnify and intensify; financial hardships, relationships, crisis's all become compounded to the point that we allow depression to set in, thus making everything seem hopeless and impossible. The very worst thing that the wilderness does, is that it causes us to take our eyes off of God, the very one that can change all this. It is like we are looking through a two way mirror; we can see what's on the other side, and yet we feel that we are helplessly trapped, with no way out.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 says; "To everything there is a season." This applies to our wilderness experience as well. If we allow it to, the wilderness can become a place of growth, as unlikely as that might seem. God can use this experience as a time of sifting us, of purifying us, and of refining us as well. But it is OUR CHOICE. Refining is not an easy process; it is very painful. It is a time of burning away, or painfully stripping away all the chaff, and anything that hinders our walk with God.

Because we cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel, we are like a blind man walking with a cane; tap, tap, tap. To make it through the wilderness, requires total and complete surrender to God; our will, our lives, and our future. It requires letting go of fear, letting go of control, letting go of the need to fix others, and letting go of the need to fix our current or future situations. the hardest part of finding our way out of the wilderness is the most difficult of all; it requires brokenness. When we allow ourselves to be broken open, and be completely emptied of ourselves, of material things, of compulsive behaviors, of habits and hang ups, THEN and ONLY THEN, can God replace those things with the things that bring us true peace.

It is then that we will get to a place where our focus shifts; narrowing it to one single point, and that is of God. It is only when we get to this critical, pivotal place of COMPLETE SURRENDER, and letting go and giving EVERYTHING to GOD, and allowing HIM to be our true focus; the veil is finally lifted, and the light shines clearly on the path that will lead us out of the wilderness of despair.

This becomes a place of being reborn: we learn to trust God and others again. We learn to love ourselves again. It is a growing process; and only until we are  finally ready to make the necessary changes needed to grow, & allow ourselves to be broken, we will continue to wander in the wilderness. I am SO READY to leave this place and move on. I believe that I have learned my lessons, and even though I may stumble and trip up from time to time, I am ready to totally trust God, and put my faith and hope in HIM. And now, God has given me the peace and rest I have so desperately sought.

Psalms 91:1 says: "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty."

That is my prayer today: to dwell in the secret place, and to rest in the palm of HIS hand.

Peace & Joy, In The Midst Of Chaos

I don't know about you, but it seems like the closer it gets to Christmas, the more frantic and hectic our lives become. We never seem to have enough time or money to do the things we want to accomplish, and then there are those innocent little molehills, that somehow suddenly become like gigantic mountains, looming over us, threatening to steal our joy and peace.

Holidays can be difficult for other reasons as well. Loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, heartaches, financial difficulties, health issues, and other circumstances and struggles, that always seem to escalate during the holidays, and we often find ourselves overwhelmed, exhausted, emotionally depleted, and most of all, so far removed from the peace and joy this special season should bring us.

We tend to lose sight of what the true meaning of Christmas is all about; the wonderful gift of a Savior, God's precious son, sent to us in Bethlehem so long ago. Yes, it is wonderful to have treasured Christmas traditions; the exchanging of gifts, the baking of delicious cookies and treats, the decorating of our homes, and the pleasure of celebrating with loved ones and friends. Somehow though, we tend to get all so caught up in the preparations, that by the time Christmas is finally here, we have lost our holiday cheer, peace and joy. It is a sad situation we find ourselves in.

Today I came across a special quote that I would like to share with you. Its meaning speaks volumes, not only during the Christmas season, but all year long.

"Peace is not the absence of noise, trouble, or hard work. It is to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."  Anonymous

It also reminds me of this scripture, found in Philippians 4:7

"Now the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

If you look carefully at the next verse, the scripture tells us how this is accomplished.  It reminds us to focus, or to think or dwell on certain things; those things, which are the things that will empower us to remain calm, have peace and joy, thoughout the chaos of a busy holiday season, or whatever storms, trials, or difficulties that you are currently facing.

It comes as no surprise, that one of the most favorite Christmas Hymns is: "Silent Night." Imagine what would happen if we would allow ourselves to become still and silence our minds from all the chaos and confusion, and focus our minds on the things mentioned in Philippians 4:8. I believe we would then begin to feel God's peace that passeth all understanding fill our hearts and minds with those things that are eternal.

Let us prepare our minds and hearts for this special and holy advent season. Let us shift our focus and perspective at least momentarily from the craziness, and be still and listen, and hear the voice of God. He calls us to a place of peace, a place of calm; a place of serenity; will you join me there? 

Wishing you God's peace, love, joy and comfort during Christmas and everyday!

Lolita

Blessed Assurance

The song "Blessed Assurance" has been a part of my life for a long time. As a child I remember singing it in church, as a young adult it meant a lot to me as well,l but not until 1987 did the words take on a new depth of meaning for me. you see, it was one of the songs I sang at my mother's bedside in the hospital, as she lay dying of cancer. As I held my mother's hand and she took her final breath, I believe God gave her and me the sweet blessed assurance that everything was going to be OK. And it was. Sure it was hard to let her go, I grieved as a young mother of two young children of all the events she wouldn't be a part of my life of anymore. And to make it even more difficult, my mother's mom had passed away just two weeks previous to my mother's death. The sense of loss was overwhelming, and yet underneath the pain and sorrow that we as humans face with our earthly emotions, there was an underlying peace and sweet blessed assurance that some day I would meet them both again in Heaven.

So the other day some twenty odd years later, I woke up with the words to that song in my mind. It means as much to me now as ever, but I paused to slow down and really listen and to think about the words.

"Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine.......

Now that right there lets me know that no matter what circumstances I am going through today, I need to stop and accept the fact that Jesus is mine.
He is my Savior, he is my Redeemer, my friend. Most importantly of all is that whatever is facing me today, I can rest in the peace and sweet blessed assurance that he is right here with me holding my hand through it all.

Oh what a foretaste of glory divine..........

Now to me that means that whatever joy or happiness we have here on planet earth is just an appetizer for the wondrous joy that yet awaits us. Eyes have not seen, nor ears have heard the wonderful things, the glorious things that God has prepared for his children. We are just allowed a foretaste, a glimpse of the marvelous joy that is waiting for us in Heaven.

Heir of salvation, purchased of God, born of his spirit, washed in his blood.

This is my heritage. My entitlement to this blessed assurance has been already bought with Christ's death on the cross, paid in full by his precious
blood.

This is MY Story this is MY Song, praising my Saviour all the day long.

This means that this is personal to me. It is the story of My redemption, and because I've been redeemed, it is my song of praise, praising my saviour all day and everyday for what he has done for me. Hallelujah!
 It is also the story of my life; the joy, the pain, the heartache, the loss the difficulties, the trials, the sorrows.

Some people feel that we as Christians should never experience pain, sorrow or difficulties. I know that we were never promised that life would be a "Rose Garden:" I know that life is not fair. I know that it rains on the just and the unjust. I know that as long as I am clothed in this earthly, fleshly body, I will be subject to the emotions and experiences that we as humans experience. Our Savior knows first hand these pains and sorrows as well when he experienced heart wrenching pain and grief while here on earth.

And so beloved, we are given a gift; this blessed sweet assurance that when we have to walk through the fire of trials on this earth, that we are never truly alone. Our Savior is right there walking aside us reaching out to hold our hand through the most difficult times.

"Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine"..................................